“Should you ever hear that voice inside exclaim that you’re working too slow, are too easily distracted, or that you should take life more seriously, please rest assured that it absolutely, positively, is NOT me.”
— The Universe (aka Mike Dooley, www.tut.com)
Begrudgingly I traipsed over to the gym to meet DJ, my trainer. Ivan, the stern Voice in my head, was screaming at me, “You’re behind in your writing and way too busy. Don’t go!”
Even after I got to the gym, Ivan, the cranky Voice in my head, kept telling me I didn’t have time to be there. I knew I had to get the house in order for an evening meeting and more importantly, I desperately needed time to finish the work on my manuscript for an upcoming contest. Ivan said I had been working too slow, been too easily distracted and I should take my writing more seriously—press on and force those words onto the page.
As I got on the stationary bike, I told Ivan to shut up and stop making me feel like a lousy piece of dog doo-doo. After spending eight grumpy minutes on the bike, I moved to the Total Gym where I was to lie on my back on the glideboard with my feet on the squat stand, knees at 90-degree angles, abs tight, then slide the glideboard up by straightening my legs and allow myself back down after a short pause. Glide up, glide back, glide up, glide back – for a very long five minutes.
Photo of someone pretending to be having a good time gliding
As I glided, Ivan the Terrible made sure I fretted about my unfinished manuscript Gone—the story of how my kids were stolen from me and how I stole them back. Working on my memoir had been particularly challenging and I had struggled with word choices all day.
But soon, the rhythmic motion of the exercise allowed my burdensome left brain to quiet down and relax, and my creative right brain kicked in without me even realizing it. The words I was looking for popped into my head. It was a damn miracle.
I yelled to my trainer while I continued pushing up and down on the glideboard. “DJ, could you please write something down for me?” More thoughts came so I yelled again with a second transcription request.
She informed me as she transcribed the sentences that dictation wasn’t included in her trainer fee, then laughed. When I explained the importance of the words, all I got was, “See? You should come to the gym more often. This strength training is not only good for your body, it’s good for your book. If you keep this up, you’ll finally have it written.”
She took full credit.
Here’s what I learned (yet again). I could have sat at home, struggling with words, which, true confession, is often my approach. “If I just tough it out, if I just push through, if I sit at this computer for another hour…” That’s the mean (and frankly stupid) Voice; it’s Ivan in full gear.
OR I could stop, course-correct and listen to a different Voice. It’s the Voice of Love—a Voice that is honest, compassionately direct, but most importantly, one that is respectful. Isn’t that how we want to treat others? So why wouldn’t we want to talk to ourselves in that same manner?
Listening to Ivan isn’t being respectful to myself. Ivan thinks he’s controlling me, keeping me safe, but he is actually short-circuiting my creativity. Control wasn’t what I needed; letting go was.
The Wise Voice of Love is the real friend, the one looking out for me.
The only difference between listening to Ivan and the wise Voice of Love is a breath. Ivan causes me to stray from my wisdom. When your negative voice grabs you, remember “…our health depends on the breath that stops us from straying farther.” (Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening, Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have)
Which Voice are you listening to these days? Got time to take a breath and see if you can hear the Voice of Love? Of course, DJ would tell you that Voice is at the gym…
I’ve had similar experiences, Jeanne. If I’m stuck in my writing, I’ll go for a walk or a swim. It’s more than taking a break. I feel being in motion actually “lets something loose.” I return to my desk refreshed with new direction.
As for that stern voice in my head, she takes a back seat to the encouraging voice when I have been so diligent as to go to the gym!
Great advice, Amy. I think I’ll tell Ivan to buckle up and stop back-seat driving. Off to the gym!
Jeanne,
I happened to be training with DJ a couple of days after you had had her write down your miracle thought. Knowing that you and I know each other (and are in the same critique group), she told me that you had had her write down some stuff for you. My point is: Even DJ was impressed with the process of exercise opening up the right brain. Smug, but impressed. : )
You made me laugh, PJ. I’ll see DJ again this Thursday. Smug though she may be (now that she’s a blog star), I bet she’ll be ready with pen and paper to complement the exercise workout she has in store for me. As long as the words keep coming, I’ll let her think it’s the DJ factor.
Soooo … you’re saying there are only TWO voices in your head? I need a calculator to tally mine up. [One of ’em sure mimics Ivan!]
Good post – thanks!
Ha! Did I say ONLY two? There happens to be a chorus of Voices in my head right now hollering, “What about me? Did you forget about me?” My chorus said to say hi to your chorus…one of them even said to say thanks for the post.
Jeanne, with the engaging brilliance of this post and many others, I’m thinking ‘Ivan’ acted especially grumpy because you’ve been tuning him out more and more and listening to the Wise Voice of Love! Ivan and the rest of the chorus don’t stand a chance! And, what a gift to have DJ on your team too.
I agree, Dianna. Ivan does need to get a sense of humor.
DJ is most certainly a gift, which I’ll be sure to tell her when she comes down off the mountain…
Thanks for your comment. Always good to hear from you.
Mine is named “Vlad”. He’s a mean SOB. When I run or do Krav Maga, he shuts up.