I’m investigating being quiet, sort of a settling down, settling in. But the noise(s) just won’t quit, so I’m sitting with it. I can’t blame my surroundings. We’re away for the holidays in beautiful San Diego staying with friends and there is much for which to be grateful.
But now I am full. Full of TV. Full of movies. Full of thinking and thoughts. Full of others issues. Full of fears of the future. Full of too much good food and holiday “cheer” and full of death. In the last several days, four people I know or knew of have died. I feel heavy. Not sad, just heavy. It feels like a weighty anchor.
In the midst of this, I also began an excellent weekly soul exploration telecourse, “The Lotus and the Lily” led by Janet Conner. I set a personal intention for the course “…to stop striving, to meet my life as it is and to see life as it is.” And I’m sitting with that, too. I seem to be sitting a lot these last several days. I haven’t taken my morning walk in about two weeks, due to an inexplicable and unexpected sore ankle. I’m cranky about that, which I guess I’ll have to add to the “sit-with-it” list.
The heaviness I feel in my body is, in my humble opinion, its way of trying to get my attention. It’s gently asking me to be still. I asked for it and by golly, the answer is coming through, oddly enough, loud and clear. It is time to sit in stillness.
So I do have an anchor. The heaviness isn’t the anchor; the stillness is. It offers me stability, an anchor in the sense that I can be supported and grounded as I learn to sit. Instead of striving, I am sitting with the thought that I lack nothing right now, just as I am. I don’t even have to strive to do a better job of sitting.
I’m sort of sitting with sitting with, you might say. Did you follow that?
In this season of preparation, I invite you to settle down and settle in, even if it’s just for one evening. There is a time for stillness.
If you’re in the Austin area, come sit in our December Re-Story Circle. No one is an outsider. We’ll not be striving to be a different or better person. You’ll be glad to know no proof of worthiness is required. It’s a come-as-you-are party. Let the stillness be your anchor for one evening. You might just meet your Self in the quiet…
Click on the “Re-Story Circles” tab for more information.
Love this, Jeanne! Thanks for sharing…I am feeling similarly, though way too busy and craving ‘stillness’. And my thoughts and prayers go out to you regarding the deaths. Several lately of friends’ family members in my own circles, so have been thinking a lot about the briefness and gift of our lives (and each day!) Can happen to anyone, at anytime, which is reason to live most fully, but above all, as you have so eloquently stated above – honestly. I hope to be able to attend on the 12th.
Thanks so much for your comments and your kind heart, Mary Anne. Hope to see you on the 12th.
Uncanny. Thought it unusual that my TG weekend was punctuated by death – 3 people and one dream of dying. Have been reflecting on all 4 of these deaths and summoning gratitude for all that came prior – a challenge in the case of one tortured soul. I suppose lots of deaths occur in any weekend, but the parallel here startles!
This is a beautiful witness of sitting for sitting’s sake. Thank you!
We’ll just sit with that, won’t we, Jazz? Thanks for sharing.
I like the idea of “sitting with sitting with”.
Reminds me of Al Anon years ago when I was dealing with “the willingness to be willing” (to let go of whatever).
In short, I get exactly what you’re talking about!
It’s a wonderful place to begin when things have stopped you dead in your tracks with the heaviness you describe.