“When our future is uncertain,
we have a hard time functioning in the present.”
~~Peter Bregman, author of 18 Minutes: Find Your Focus, Master Distraction,
and Get the Right Things Done
The current political scene could easily paralyze me. And the vitriol spewed from various sources including friends on Facebook is hard to take. I’m sure I’m not alone in this feeling. When I feel heavy and weighed down by the rhetoric and the hatred and fear, I know I need to do something. But what?
Jim Rigby recently said, “We are trying to hold on to human decency, not win the battle of the apes. As the public airwaves now fill with masters of bluster, innuendo and conspiracy theories, it is tempting to respond in kind. But just as bluster cannot win if the standard is reason, neither can reason succeed if the standard has been set by bluster. Instead of countering with the same kind of hoots and howls that only mimic human thought, we must hold on to our our civility and reason as to a flickering flame in a lightless midnight.”
I’m in a good place right now, literally.
I’m house and dog-sitting on Whidbey Island, my heart home, for dear friends, and am also sharing this time with my very special and very exhausted sister who is in need of time away from caregiving. Here, she can rest and regain her sense of well-being.
Recognizing the need for both of us to practice self-care, I didn’t hesitate when Sarah, a new island neighbor/friend, extended a welcomed invitation to attend a yoga class with her.
Wendy Dion, the yoga instructor (Yogalodge.com), impressed upon the dozen or so of us there to “practice being with yourself,” — being in a deeper relationship with yourself, a new kind of intimacy. Though I have definitely learned to slow down (at least part of the day), being with myself is still admittedly an ongoing mysterious challenge.
As I followed Wendy’s instructions for different yoga poses, I listened with curiosity and wonder to my body, focused on its response: to feel it, hear it, know it. In that moment of awareness, I experienced the intimacy Wendy spoke of and felt remarkably more conscious and more engaged.
It was an eye-opening moment and the importance of the deeper relationship with myself became clear.
Right now, in these uncertain and volatile times, it is critical for me to learn to be with myself and know what I feel and think. To love myself so I can understand the ramifications of such love – loving self, loving others, to be in right relationship with myself and this world. I have been caught up in the current political scene. I have found anger and sadness I didn’t know was in me, reminding me that we are all, every single one of us, capable of such feelings, letting us know (if we’re paying attention) what anger and hate can do to us – to our relationship with ourselves, and what it does to our relationship with each other.
So the question becomes, who am I? What is it I want for this world? If it all becomes overwhelming, I can become just as paralyzed as the next person, throw up my hands and say what I do, what I feel, how I treat others, doesn’t matter.
Ultimately, self-care, moving into a deeper relationship with myself, gives me the clarity to know who I am and how I want to be. Not to turn away from the vitriol and venom I read on FB rantings and ravings, but rather to come at it from a different place as I meet it. I don’t want to become what I don’t like, what I don’t admire, what I feel denigrates and defiles the good so many people are trying to do in this world.
I don’t want to promote hate or participate in mean-spiritedness, because I believe when one starts spewing, others stop listening. I would rather choose kind-sight (thank you, Stephanie). Before I open my mouth, let me first be able to go deep within, establish a truer relationship with myself, know and be able to articulate my values and live and share them —by example.
Regardless of your political views, Michelle Obama’s words can be taken to heart. “…how we explain [to our daughters] that when someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don’t stoop to their level. No, our motto is, when they go low, we go high.”
Before you go low, stop and find out who you are, who you want to be and make the choice to go high.
Dear Jeanne,
Yes! Yes! Yes! So lovely that you are in Whidbey Island with your sister and that you’re taking care of yourselves. Ah…..
A month ago I flew to Los Angeles for three weeks to help my daughter with her new baby. Lots of cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping which was exactly what I went out there to do. After two weeks I began to feel edgy, lonely and resentful. A couple of things: Where was MY mom went I gave birth to this same baby 30 years ago??? After walking back to my tiny airBnb (Thank God for this alternative to sleeping on a fold out couch in my daughter and son in law’s living room) I sat on the bed and began to journal. Loud squawking outside. I ventured out and looked up the the tree right by the door. Dozens of small bright green parrots were jockeying for position in the branches overhead. This National Geographic moment rescued me from myself. I melted into chuckling and resumed my journaling inside. How fortunate I have been to have been INVITED to be with my daughter during this incredible time. Ego, take a rest, would you? I’ll still be here when you come back. Trust me.
I showered and returned to my daughter’s to make dinner and gaze at my gorgeous grandson. I also flew home for three days, went back to work, got a massage with a friend and then flew back to resume the care-taking of this new little family with gusto.
Love, Didi
P. S. Here’s how I’ve handled the Facebook Political thing. I typed a few choice words myself, sent them to the “offender” including some “f” bombs, no less and then sat in silent triumph. For five minutes. Then I got right back on and deleted all of them. I liken it to shopping at the mall. I select some items, ask the salesperson to put them on hold and then go home. I imagine strutting around in them for a couple of days and being showered with compliments. I don’t return to purchase them. I have the experience, yet I don’t really have the experience, if that makes sense. AND I stay off facebook for a while.
Oh Didi! What a great story. Maybe we could get our egos to dress up like green parrots and they’d lighten up…
And regarding FB political posts, really love the comparison to “window shopping” and having the experience without the experience.
Thanks so much.
This is such a helpful blog, Jeanne! I was sitting on the front chairs this morning, missing you, thinking of you sitting here with your devotion to your morning pages… I have been thinking along these lines and you have reached into that well-spring and written from my heart as well. Thank you… from our shared aquifer of island and heart. Love, Christina
So nice to receive your comments. The blog morphed over about a five-day period while I was gifted with the serenity and solitude to write from your “heart place.”
Even with that massive dictionary in your living room, there are no words to express the love and admiration I have for you. You are truly the sister of my heart. You two clearly know you are my heart home…
It’s wonderful you’re there…WI is WW’s safe harbor. May you continue to draw strength there.
Politics on FB and in RL (real life) can be a volatile topic. It can end friendships and start wars.
The venom and vitiole posts on FB are potholes in the road. I’ll avoid taking that road.
If I feel tempted to chime in, I’ll have an attitudinal tune-up.
I felt bad, mad and sad this week about a few FB posts so I painted. I painted a Blue Meanie. I felt centered and lighter. I did it fast, in two days. It felt as cleansing as this 21 day detox program David and I are on..
The title of my painting is, “Vote for Me 2016”.
Now, if pressed to discuss who I’ll vote for, I can point to it and laughingly declare he’s my candidate.
Hi dear you! Am back now. WI is WW’s heart home. I do draw strength and energy from it, so I can bring it back to Austin where my community is.
Love it that you paint your way around the potholes and the negative roads. What a great example you set.
Thanks for posting your comments. Hope to see you soon!
Hi Jeannie,
Your insightful and heartfelt blog has touched on an issue we’re all reeling from! I find it almost unimaginable that we (fellow Americans, friends, relatives, and earth roommates) can be so intolerant of one another and so far apart in our ideologies. Earlier this summer, I found myself sinking into the “dark side” feeling much fear, desperation and dread. After watching the DNC, I realized it is much better to immerse myself into “light” in whatever form it appears and to hold space for it so that others may find it too. We simply cannot give in to fear and must continually rise above the threatening ugliness of hate politics.
Roxanne, I love your phrase “…it is much better to immerse myself into “light in whatever form it appears and to hold space for it so that others may find it too.” Perhaps the darkness gives us that opportunity, if we but choose it. Many thanks for being the light you are.
This blog is beautiful..and so perfect for us all at this time. And, I loved reading the responses. You have some pretty sharp readers! Love, Ka
Ka, the responses to this particular blog have been incredibly wise and thoughtful, including yours. Our relationship is an example of always taking the high road, working through issues and allowing an honest and respectful dialogue to cement our friendship. Thanks and love from my grateful heart.
Jeanne, Thank you for this blog. I’m afraid I have re-posted some of the things about Trump. I am so appalled by some of the things he says and he has tapped into some of my greatest fears. I need to take a vacation from politics and perhaps from electronics. New insights are coming to me as I write this and you were a catalyst for me. Give our caretaker sis a big hug for me. And enjoy the beauty and your time on the Island. Sending hugs.
Your fears, my fears, the world’s fears. They call us to look them in the face, not run from them. I truly understand where you’re coming from. You are also known for the love you carry for this planet and the people on it. Sending you that same big love.
I like your comment on fears. They call us to look them in the face… Not run from them. Beyond politics- fears are with us in every part of our lives. It’s so easy to put negative spins or road blocks in our way to avoid making a change. Leaping into the unknown for a change we sometimes feel is our truth…is very scary.