“You either walk into your story and own your truth,
or you live outside your story, hustling for your worthiness.”
Brené Brown, Research Professor, Author and Speaker
Consider this essay Part Deux of “Shutting Down the Production Line (the one in your head).” LINK
As a quick recap, picture Lucille Ball and Ethel Mertz rushing to get chocolate candy wrapped and sent down a production line’s conveyor belt that runs faster and faster. Sometimes that’s how I approach my life—rushing to get everything done and feeling shortchanged of joy.
I’m not trying to beat a dead horse in continuing this discussion, really I’m not, but I’ve discovered something of importance.
In reflecting on my own production line mentality, I ran smack dab into the core of my fears about not being productive.
Apparently if I don’t stay productive, I fear I will be considered:
a) old and worthless,
b) a slacker, and/or
c) a user, or
d) all of the above
Well aren’t I the busy bee, productively hustling from flower to flower to prove my self-worth and feel significant.
What an aha. All this time I thought my underlying fear was aging. Now I realize I’m not afraid of getting older; I’m afraid of being perceived as insignificant. I was focused on non-stop productivity, which is promoted by our culture, to avoid feeling irrelevant.
Martha Beck, author and life coach, says, “Of course, each of us has unique circumstances, but in general, our culture doesn’t allow us the freedom, kindness, and rest [we] need. Instead, it treats humans like engines of productivity rather than biological beings.”
I don’t want to be a joyless engine of productivity. When I think about what I find joy in as I get older, it isn’t this insane production. I’ve been enjoying times of solitude, a slower approach to my writing and teaching, meditating, compassionate attention, meaningful connections and laughter. And something called sleep.
All of which I find of significance.
So if society doesn’t offer me freedom, kindness or rest, who will?
Guess what? It’s up to me.
- Freedom comes from owning my truth, living my story, choosing to celebrate my own life and being my own best friend.
- Kindness is treating myself with compassionate attention. Someone said to me recently, “I’ve learned to be nice to myself. It’s hard to be happy when somebody’s mean to you all the time.” Laughter helps.
- And as regards rest, Susan McHenry said, “I am not a hero if I deny rest; I am only tired.”
I can choose to realize, accept and enjoy my inherent significance. And as Brené Brown put it, I’d rather own my own truth (which leads to more freedom) rather than live outside my story, hustling for my worthiness.
Tell me, where does your significance come from? Are you living inside or outside of your story?
Let me know later. I’m going to go ponder the Milky Way and take a nap.
Wonderful perspective and permission. Thank you.
Laura, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. You are certainly one who understands this work and lives the message.
Dear Jeanne,
Thank you for this most “significant” post! (No pun intended!) It reminds me of the first question people tend to ask when meeting for the first time, “What do you do?” The unspoken message I heard was, “What you do is more important than who you are.” Value seemed to be placed more on “doing” rather than “being.” Now that I’m surrounded by more people who are living their own story, I feel more encouraged and less self-conscious living my own. Thank you for sharing this.
Roxanne, you are the epitome of significance. Am so glad you are in my life.
Thanks for this post Jeanne. In the past when challenges arose, I would ask myself, what do I want “to do” about the situation? Now I find myself asking how do I want “to be” in the situation. Indeed, free (to be fully me), kind and rested are often included in my response. Sometimes productivity follows naturally. Regardless, I find myself much happier living with my new question. Hugs.
Thank you, Diane, for your comments. Really hits home. Really.