“Our courage to look deeply into our own story comes easier when we see what happens when we become open, vulnerable and steadfast.”
~~ Joyce Boatright, professor, Lone Star College and
workshop facilitator at the Jung Center, Houston
I squinted as I stared at the print on the page and confessed to myself it’s been this way for months—my vision a little off, a little blurred. I shouldn’t have been any more surprised about my eyes than my heart’s vision…also noticeably a little off, a little blurred.
Some things, though right in front of my face or tugging at my heart, have remained unseeable; I have unwittingly turned a blind eye to them.
I wrote a blog some time ago about a longtime friend, we’ll call her Judy, who needed me to be there for her, not save her, not rescue her, but just be present. In the blog, I identified ways to do that:
I can make the call, send the email, the text, the card—all the while knowing and trusting she has the wisdom inside of her to move through her pain and suffering.
In order to do that though, my self-care becomes radically important. Only if I have taken care of myself can I be her listener, her sounding board, her port in the storm, empathize and be present.
It was, if I do say so myself, great advice. Hope you took it. I, on the other hand, missed the boat.
I got good at the self-care but fell down on the “being present for my friend” part. There are many reasons for self-care but the most important one for me is this: tending to myself allows me to more lovingly and effectively tend to others.
I had good intentions. What happened?
The revelation came over time as I stopped hearing from her on a personal basis. Our businesses continued to successfully intertwine but our hearts did not. I had neglected the friendship, yet couldn’t see what I was doing.
Attending the funeral of another friend woke me up. Isn’t that always the way it is? In the wake of his death, I realized I wasn’t tending to and missed the precious relationship I had with Judy; I had let it slip through the cracks of life. I vowed, in 2016 to let the people I love, friends and family, know how important they are to me.
In author/poet Mark Nepo’s piece entitled “To See With Love” in The Book of Awakening, he says, “We are part of everything we see—this is the love that keeps moving us back into wholeness when divided. To love by admitting our connection to everything is how we stay well.”
Willing to be open, vulnerable and steadfast, I called Judy and spoke to her about our relationship. Because she is the epitome of unconditional love, she expressed, without blame, the sense of emptiness she had felt. Resolving the friendship issues were only possible because we both took a courageous step to look deeply into our own story, and bring it into focus.
With the benefit of hindsight, we could see clearly now, reconnect and reframe our relationship.
Had your eyes checked lately?
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If you want a great guide for seeing clearly in 2016, “Seeing Me: a guide for reframing the way you see yourself through reflective writing” is a newly released book written by co-authors Dave Rackley and Jeanne Guy.
Available for purchase in softcover and hardcover versions from blurb.com. Also available as an eBook for Kindle through Amazon.
Thanks, Jeanne.
Almost completely retired and struggling with who I am now. NOT FUN. Sending love.
Always here for you, my friend. Sorry to hear you are in a “not fun” zone, temporary though it may be. Sending my love, knowing (because I know you) better days are ahead.