If you’re still reading, I’ll take that as a yes.
Boy do I have some good advice for you:
DON’T GIVE ME ADVICE.
Forgive me for shouting but I don’t like getting advice (unless solicited). What I like is hearing your story—watching how you go about living your life—and gleaning from it how I can apply it to mine.
Don’t tell me what to do, show me. It’s what my critique group has been preaching to me over the last 2½ years regarding my memoir (the story of how my children were stolen from me and how I stole them back). Show us, Jeanne; don’t tell us (advice worthy of soliciting).
Recently I read in Courage to Change, “Someone who demonstrates unconditional love and still takes care of his or her own needs and who offers support without telling me what to do can be a wonderful role model.”
This year before I start offering advice, I might consider asking myself: “Did they ask?” To give advice is to intrude; to focus on living rather than talking about it is to grow. The Courage to Change passage says, “Talking about something may be nothing more than a substitute for living it.”
For 2013, I’m focusing on living my life AND what I’m practicing these days, ever so slightly, is being a teeny bit nicer to myself. It’s sort of like putting my affairs in order: I create a better relationship with myself and then operate out of that space—loving what needs to be loved, accepting myself in my broken perfection. Learning to be nice to me, as opposed to letting negative external or internal voices take charge. This allows me to then be a better wife, mother and friend.
I’d like to practice that way of being. Why should others bother to follow my example if I can’t take care of my own affairs? Taking responsibility for myself is the first thing I must do to make the world a better place. If I’m not willing to take care of me, I’m actually a burden to those around me.
Bonus benefit: When I focus on living my life, it’s also easier to let others live theirs.
Wouldn’t it be great to drop the advice and live by example? What if we came together, sat in a circle and shared our stories, not our advice, and grew by getting in touch with our own wisdom? Wow. We could call it a Re-Story Circle…
Please join us at a Re-Story Circle – a time for personal enrichment through journal writing and deep conversation.
Registration and more information at https://www.jeanneguy.com/re-story-circles/
Hats off to Barbi Shone for her excellent graphics. She can be reached at borderlady@earthlink.net
A beautiful piece, yet again. I love being a ‘partner’ on your blogs.
You’re The Writer; I’m The Artist, how cool is that?
A virtual ‘toast’ to our best year ever ~~~ Welcome 2013!
xoxoxo
Barbi
I’ll drink to that! Thanks for being you and sharing your talents.
I love your un-advice advice! Oh my gosh — I can’t even spell it. I choose to take it to heart- — and be my own blessed mentor AND I am willing to ask when required. A beautiful way to begin our New Earth Year!!
Love you, dear Jeanne,
Magdalaena
I love your term – un-advice advice. It’s a wonderful irony, isn’t it – giving advice about not giving advice. Makes me laugh as I practice zipping my lip. Here’s to blessed self-mentoring, as you so well put it, Magda. Thanks.
Really liked reading that – and am going to try to live it with my daughters 🙂
Yes, and good luck with that… 🙂 It’s hardest with those closest to us, methinks! Your daughters are lucky they got you for a mom.
THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!
Love you,
Lynne
APPROPRIATE SHOUTING IS FUN, ISN’T IT? 🙂
So many things in the world work this way. In the Navy / Marines, it’s call leading from the front, demonstrating by personal action. Sometimes it’s writing your own evaluation and giving it to your boss before he asks. For others it exploring some perceived, or imagined deficit and facing and not using it as an excuse to not move forward. Dying will be easy one day, it’s inevitable; it takes courage to get up every day and show yourself and others what must be done. To create, to ship, to make a full glass out of a constant drip this is the legacy we leave.
Wonderful reflection, James. It takes the concept to an even deeper level. Thanks.
“Accepting myself in my broken perfection” Love, love, love that Jeanne. Happy New Year to you.
Have to give credit to Flint Sparks. Happy New Year to you, dear Jude!