“If we are to live without silencing or numbing essential parts of who we are, a vow must be invoked and upheld within oneself.”
— Mark Nepo
I’m still on a high from facilitating two recent and fabulous (if I do say so myself) self-awareness retreats: one on Whidbey Island in the Pacific Northwest and one in Round Top, Texas. Also especially meaningful were our November Re-Story Circle workshops on “The Masks We Wear.”
The content of the above gatherings made it crystal clear to me that we all have multiple personality disorder, and those personalities wear a number of different hats, coats, masks—you name it. What I gained from the retreats was the ability to discern “who is the boss of me” at any given moment.
Here’s a good example. A facilitator (who shall go unnamed) was preparing a self-awareness retreat on the importance of self-compassion. Priscilla Productivity—one of the facilitator’s “personality parts”—drove her nuts preparing for said retreat. Hmm.
When you stop to notice that there’s a disconnect at work here, you start to see the bigger picture. Stand back and observe what’s going on and notice which one of your many selves is not just on the bus, but has cleverly positioned itself in the driver’s seat and has a grip on the steering wheel. If I can get myself quiet, I can hear/watch that part of me, in this case, Priscilla, that thinks she’s in charge. What does she need? What do I need from her?
One response would be to throw her under the bus, right? Probably not the best plan, considering we’re talking about self-compassion. Candyce, a friend of mine (http://www.deepcenterforgrowth.com) made me realize sometimes I need Priscilla. Priscilla, as one personality in my cast of many, can get me really revved up and create a needed fire under my butt.
But what I noticed is that dear Priscilla Productivity ONLY knows one speed and becomes a reckless driver if I’m not paying attention. And watch out for the voice of Sarah Slacker. She’ll sit right behind Priscilla and push her to go even faster.
Whoa. Time out. Time for self-compassion to kick in.
I’m learning and listening to another self—one that honors who I am—and boy does it feel great and often uncomfortable. Good to know, good to notice. It’s a gift of loving presence, for all my parts.
It’s time, as Mark Nepo says, to “marry” myself – invite all my parts to the wedding and let them see I love my Self, and though they each play a role, the marriage is between my true SELF and my soul. All my little selves can attend, but they don’t get to participate. The day I marry my Self is the day I’m driving the bus.
Who’s on your bus and who are you going to choose to be the driver, especially over the holidays?
Love your analogy! Words of wisdom. I promise I’ll invite you to the wedding！
Cheryl
Jeanne,
Once again you have written about something that is becoming more clear to me. Thank you for providing some beautiful images/examples to help me on this journey.
Laura
What a great, insightful, oh-so-true, post. I love it! I am an instant devotee and want more. I signed up for your list…thank you! I am grateful for my friend Cheryl who led me to you and for you who is so wise!
I wish the one who honors who I am had a stronger/louder/more clear voice. This driving the bus analogy really works for me. Thank you, Jeanne, once again for saying something hard in terms that I can understand. Love to you.
Jeanne! You are SOOO right here!! I am somedays Susie Slacker and many days I am Priscilla Procrastination (unfortunately, my Priscilla persona isn’t as PRODUCTIVE as yours!!). Let’s see tho…who do I REALLY want driving my bus (besides God) how about I’ll call her Serena Self!! Yep, I believe I’ll call on her all through these (could be) Harry-ed Holidays!!! Xoxo
Unfortunately I often find that my bus still has too many underage drivers behind that steering wheel. Working to change that has been a lifelong project.
Babs
Boy, oh boy, Jeanne! This column jolted me and may I say, it hit home! Thanks for sharing and saying this so clearly!
A valuable essay and just in time. Many of us dread the holidays. The stress can be overwhelming.
So many different versions of my Self try to drive my bus through December it CAN get pretty crazy.
You can bet I’ll choose my drivers very carefully over the holidays.
(Bring on Spring!)
Wow, ladies! Thanks for the comments. And now for my confession. I had no idea until today that you all had responded. An apparent operator error glitch in my email system. Mea culpa. I sure hope the holidays were wonderful and filled with ease for each and every one of you.
At least I can still wish you Happy New Year!
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