I almost hesitated writing this blog. My goal right now is to write about my writing life, not weddings. But you know what? I realized becoming a wedding officiant actually expanded my writing repertoire.
Six years ago, Jen, a dear (younger) friend, requested I officiate at her wedding. The future bride had attended many, if not all, of my journal-writing retreats and workshops, birthing a bond between us that grew over the years. She, a facilitator in her own right, enjoyed my irreverent communication style and, ahem, unique sense of humor and said she could think of no one better to perform their wedding. She commented, “Your effervescent charm and humor aside, we chose you because, in knowing about your own story and life journey, we believed that you knew how to ‘love well’. . . that you loved as an action, not just a feeling. And the courage and resilience we knew you had tapped to navigate your life and your loves was something we hoped to emulate in our marriage journey together.”
How could I refuse? I told her it would be an honor.
I took the whole thing super seriously. Putting together a meaningful wedding ceremony was personal for me and obviously important to the couple. I went online, checked resources, and, in less than ten minutes, became a Universal Life Church minister. I reached out to bona fide minister friends who generously offered advice and sample wedding material. Writing and performing wedding ceremonies soon became a new side passion over these last few years.
To be clear, I have to like you to officiate at your wedding. What fun is there in uniting a couple you really don’t care for? And, honestly, I wouldn’t want to give that much of my time to people I don’t like, because, as is my nature, I spend an inordinate number of hours researching and personalizing each ceremony. The lovebirds are interviewed together, then separately at length. I create a fact sheet with detailed information about the wedding and their ceremony wishes, compose the draft, adding suggested readings and blessings. After the couple’s approval of the written plans, I cleverly add their responses to questions asked during the private interviews: what they love about each other, what they think they want to change about their mate, and what might be difficult in the future.
Somewhere in there, I throw in great advice about marriage. I’ve had three tries and years of experience—a total of over fifty—finally waking up and marrying Robert, an old friend with whom I’ve celebrated seventeen years of marital bliss—through lots of hard work. Lucky for him he won this older, better version of me.
Three more daring, darling, deliriously happy couples have hired me to do their weddings this year. Even though we are into our third year of the pandemic, love still wins.
Writing is hard work. Officiating at a wedding is hard work. I have a passion for both, but officiating gets extra points because, well, it usually involves cake.
I’m sharing a couple of photos of Jen and Jonathan at their Ohio apple orchard wedding. Aren’t they beautiful?!
If I was getting married, you are definitely who I’d want to officiate! 💗
Maybe you and David should restate your vows. I’ll cut you a really good deal (because you’re special!).
Jeanne, I loved hearing the backstory on how you got started with officiating. I have another friend who began the same way, then got popular and found too much of her time going to strangers. She quit. I’m glad that instead you have learned to know your boundaries, so you still get the pleasure of binding together people that you love. How could that not inform and enrich your writing life?
Thanks for your comments, Susan! For now it feeds my soul, enriches my writing life, and puts me in my happy place! And that’s good, since maintaining boundaries is no small thing for me. Every day is a lesson, isn’t it?